Most Filipinos have high exposure to the western culture. Almost everyone wanted to go abroad. Nursing schools, care-giving and Special Education institutions are very rampant in the country because of the high demand of employment overseas (USA to be exact,) with a very enticing monetary compensation, leaving the country with a noble mission of improving his family’s way of living. Everyone wants to escape the poverty that grips this country.

I’ve read so many books, most are American setting, and I grow up wanting to visit the places I’ve read about. Sometimes I felt that I’ve been to those places. Visit, because I never dreamt of living in another country permanently. Now that I’m a grown woman, I realized that wherever we go, no matter how successful we are in another country, no matter how good we try to imitate another country’s accent. We would always be a second class citizen in a foreign land. No matter how life sucks here, I couldn’t bring myself to leave this country for good in exchange of the greener pasteur in the other side of the world. At some point, we would always come back home. This is the exact place where I want to raise my kids, the culture I want my children to embrace. I don’t want to sound too patronizing, I just wanted my kids to grow up in a place I’m comfortable with and known my entire life. I don’t want to raise them groping with me in the dark, with unfamiliar surroundings and totally different society I’m accustomed to.

I now have a Certificate in Special Education; I took up this course not with an initial intention of teaching abroad. It was an escape from depression, to keep me distracted and to keep me sane. Along the way, a purpose was developed. I’m still reluctant to go to another country to seek employment but if the going gets tough her at least we have an option to try to find refuge to the land of milk and honey. I plan to continue what I started, get my masters degree and a license to teach, not exactly in that order.

I admire those people who made dignified sacrifices to give their families a better life. I wish I could take such courage. I’ve long made a conviction that I’d never allow myself to be away from my husband. Yes, we need more money, but we’re living comfortably here. Money will always be there but relationships need to be nurtured each day. The day to day experiences tip the scale toward better and maturing relationships. I’m not an advocate of long distance relationships, because that defeats the purpose of being in a relationship at all, which is companionship.

My head is spinning, I’m still weighing my options. I’m not sure if I can take the LET this year. Jerylle wanted me to choose between taking my master and the board exam. I can’t do both. I don’t want to be swamped with the exam and schooling at the same time, my family still is the number one on my list of priority.